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November 16, 2012
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Alone by MagpieFreak Alone by MagpieFreak
I'm usually isolated while I work on art. And I work a lot. The longer it takes, the more the isolation gets to me in so many different ways and I do sink into a little depression.

I think loneliness is my curse.

It's something I refuse to accept though, and I have been and will continue to be working on fixing it, one aspect at a time. I did try telling people but they said that something was mentally wrong with me yet didn't offer any solutions so once again I had to figure it out by myself. Now I'm in a place I love, studying a course I feel at home with, I have many people supporting me, I am surrounded by new friends and people who are also creative and I've managed to make some of my dreams come true! So life is very good! I still, however, have more issues that need dealing with, but these do take a few years and I'm prepared and am patiently working towards that. It's a slow onwards and upwards, but I'm going onwards and upwards nevertheless!

This picture is me when I was ... about 14 I guess. I'm not entirely sure what my exact reasons were, but from the age of 10 I was really interested in black, wearing black, and drawing people wearing black, and things that faintly resembled punk (didn't know it was a fashion at all, I was just making it up). I can't imagine that it was Discworld leading me to that, or my obsession with animals at the time ... but still, I did develop a certain habit which really amuses my room mates ._. It was up until the age of fifteen that I was terrified of showing my art to my parents. I was convinced that they would disapprove so I actually felt very ashamed of my skills. I was fine with showing other people but not my parents. One day though I was forced to show them my stuff and the reaction wasn't as bad as I predicted, and now they fully support me in whatever I do :> People shouldn't be suppressed from doing what they can do best. If they live their lives to please the standards of others then it's not their lives that they're living XC and that's an awful waste of a life that is yours and yours alone.

When I was really little I used to love The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings (my dad read them out for my bedtime stories), and something that stuck out for me was Bilbo Baggins quoting his father with "While there's life there's hope". That's something I've held onto ever since.

I am still very much alive, and thanks to all of you who support me, and all of my close friends, and all of the dreams I'm determined to achieve, I very much have hope :> Loneliness is a curse that will one day be lifted!
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:iconinkysnowflakes:
InkySnowflakes Featured By Owner Dec 8, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Loneliness is a feeling that I know all too well, but I'm glad to hear that you've started trying to overcome it. I wish you all the best.

The composition of this really illustrates loneliness in a way that I feel could be understood by anyone. Great job.
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:iconmagpiefreak:
MagpieFreak Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
I wish it never had to happen, but if I have the ability to overcome it then there's no excuse to not do it! :D Thank you :>
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:iconinkysnowflakes:
InkySnowflakes Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Exactly! What a wonderful attitude to have. :D

You're welcome!
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:iconshiisa-sa:
Shiisa-sa Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
I know this feeling... I'm in a loneliness situation and it blocks me when I try to work. It's difficult to ignore it. Being alone is not good for self-confidence.
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:iconfrostdrive:
FrostDrive Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
That's cool.
We have the same problem pretty much.

but the COOLER thing is that we both have the same positive outlook. c:
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:iconmagpiefreak:
MagpieFreak Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
Well if we're heading in the right direction then that's a good thing :>
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:iconjordanschwagerart:
JordanSchwagerArt Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
Its ok Katja we've all been there. its part of what makes us here on DA who we are I think. The beauty is your doing exactly what helps the most. expressing yourself both artistically and verbally (in a Digital sense) I'm glad that you feel comfortable in both your current physical community at university as well as the digital one here on DA because my girl you are one very singularly gifted and wonderful individual to be this aware so young. Your have got a long life of greatness ahead. Please continue to be this wonderful girl and artist because the world needs more people like you.

also you are very lucky to have had a parent that was that awesome, for me that was my brother and sister.
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:iconmagpiefreak:
MagpieFreak Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
I wish I could have known that I wasn't so alone when I was growing up, but I know now so it's cool :> And as it was, I had a lot of thinking time to mull over things. The only problem now is that while I have everything sorted out in my head, I don't have the talking skills to actually put across what I want to say XD that will come with practice though I guess :>

Both my parents are awesome :> though one isn't really into Tolkien XD Still, she showed me loads of other awesome things as a kid :>
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:iconjordanschwagerart:
JordanSchwagerArt Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
Cool it is, and it does get easier to speak with people with time, and easier still if the subject is something you are both passionate about. I'm sure with your new found sphere of like minded young hooligans such as yourself you will become more socially affluent than you already are, which I can only assume is nothing to sneer at as it stands. The best I could offer in terms of talking with others is always speak with your own voice, dont get me wrong I love a good topical pop culture ref as much as anyone, but to many quotes can make anyone go nuts after awhile.

eghad sorry bout that Katja I'm afraid Im dangerously close to rambling now. I will say that I do enjoy talking with you and am glad that your coming so well into your own. Also I suppose I can forgive your mom for not being a Tolkien fan seeing as see must have given you some other more awesome source material as a child seeing the results so far in your art.

But I'm rambling again...so as always my dear so long...................and thanks for all the fish. :D
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:iconprometheusalexander:
PrometheusAlexander Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012  Professional
My dad read ME the Hobbit as well! Yay for awesome parents!

Also, I completely agree. Live your life the way YOU want to, because after all, it is YOUR life.
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:iconmagpiefreak:
MagpieFreak Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
I used to have tapes that played dramatized versions of The Hobbit and The Lord of The Rings too, and I would reenact some of the scenes with my toys when I was meant to be sleeping XD My favourite bit to act out was the scene in the Mines of Moria XD
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:iconprometheusalexander:
PrometheusAlexander Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2012  Professional
That is awesome. Unfortunately, I lacked the dramatized audio recordings... My brothers and I would act out movies and superheroes regardless.
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:iconsword-demon:
Sword-Demon Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
:iconarrowupplz::iconthisplz::iconarrowupplz:
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:icontadpole7:
Tadpole7 Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012
Lovely composition and colors.
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:iconmagpiefreak:
MagpieFreak Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
Thank you :D
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:iconvgxviiidenovo:
VGXVIIIDenovo Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
DISCWORLD?! YOU TOO?! ASDAHFJDKHGJKDHGJKDS!!! So cool to find someone else who knows and likes that same series!!!

You have a lot to live for, never forget to live it like there may not be another! ;D
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:iconmagpiefreak:
MagpieFreak Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
I wouldn't have thought that Discworld was such a rare thing to be interested in ._. Still yeah, it's awesome :>

Life is not a rehearsal, and I've been to enough music rehearsals to know just what it means XD
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:iconvgxviiidenovo:
VGXVIIIDenovo Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Where i'm at it is!!! It's perfectly refreshing, I'm currently re-reading Reaper Man.

Truest words of the hour!!!
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:iconferriore:
ferriore Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Well Katja, (I hope you allow me to call you by your name :3) I would like to share one little word, that you surely know: Honesty. Simple and plain honesty is such a liberating friend, you don't know the power it has until you begin wielding it (yeah I sounded freaking cheesy, hehe). Honesty with the ones around you, with the ones you love, but mainly with yourself. The fear you feel will be healed afterwards you shake hands with that fellow. I can relate with showing your parents your works and the torturing mental questions that follow "what they will think about me?", "will they get mad at me and tell me that I'm wasting my time in this ridiculous stuff that pays a misery?".

Honesty, honesty and pure honesty "...will set you free!! " (had to do that sorry =D ) and I'd also like to share with you that loneliness can also be a good friend, it lets you know yourself better, lets you chat with yourself once a while (though make sure you're truly alone or else somebody will think you're really nuts!), it helps you live better with yourself.

Cheers lady!!
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:iconmagpiefreak:
MagpieFreak Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
I'm fine with that XD that is my name after all XD Yeah, I understand how honesty works and it has helped me in the past, especially when I was honest with myself. I've had so much time alone that I ended up making imaginary friends who actually gave me insight into my own mind during the past few years, which was kinda weird but really .. insightful :P So now, I am actually at peace with my inner demons, I still need to develop full control over them, but it's not something that puzzles me anymore. It doesn't stop the fact that my closest friends live too far away for me to hug any time I want :<
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:iconferriore:
ferriore Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Well, don't forget that even though this is the net, you can always have a friend in me, I'll give you lots of web hugs (not like a spider, though) little Katja =D

Take care!
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:iconbugsy366:
bugsy366 Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
It's great that your working patiently on a problem, not just giving up. That alone shows your good character!
I've moved around a lot in my life, and as a result I became shy and find myself alone a lot. But I'm working on becoming more outgoing and making friends too. It can be slow going, shyness or anything else does not go away overnight(if only).
I've found that I like to be alone sometimes, but not lonely. Is that how it is for you?
Anyways, I love your drawing and find it very relatable. From what I know on here you are a very nice hardworking person, and that is why I have no doubt you have the ability to get through whatever you need to get through:D
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:iconmagpiefreak:
MagpieFreak Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
Yeah overcoming shyness is difficult. I have managed to summon up the courage to talk to people who I would normally be too shy to even look at, and I'm always surprised find out that the other person is okay with me talking, or even wanted me to start talking to them. It just proves that you never know until you try :> despite this I do get shy still XD

Ah there's nothing wrong with wanting a bit of solitude. I like it a lot when I need to concentrate, but the problem is when I do need somebody to talk to or hug, but nobody is there at the time (as has been the case most of my life). I have to resort to venting through essays. Drawing just doesn't work for me in these things >:T Being alone and feeling lonely are quite different. I will get this sorted out one day though :>
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:iconbugsy366:
bugsy366 Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
exactly! overcoming my shyness has been very similar for me, I've actually been able to summon up the courage to talk to some people this semester on some occasions, and sometimes not. I'm definitely improving though.
Good luck with sorting it out, I get what you're saying and have felt that way before. In the words of Dory, "Just keep swimming!" XD
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